Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
