He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
