My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
