He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
