Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
