he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Vodka?
Forever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
