think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
