I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
