i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
