How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
