K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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