someone owes me an orgasm
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she told me i tasted like america
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
