I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
