I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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