Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Vodka?
Forever.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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