I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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