We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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