Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
