THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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