Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
