I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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