6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
