I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
