Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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