i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
