Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
