New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
