How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
