i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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