On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
