dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
