connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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