my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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