i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
