you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
