Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
jump out the window naked night went bad
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