I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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