i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
