The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
