I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
