we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
