i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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