He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
