Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
