I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
