I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
