PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
