Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
