he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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