Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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