Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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