I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
